Home safe and alone ....

I felt the same way when I came home from Europe last summer. As wonderful as it was to see all my family and friends ... I had an emptiness in my heart. I am still trying to understand it ... All I know is that my aloneness, in the sense that I am not-partnered ... Seems to be so much more ... Well just more I guess. When I think about it both of those trips had me spending most of my time traveling with someone ... My sister and then Willbert. One can convince themselves that it is wonderful to be single ... Until one is reminded how wonderful it is to share the day with someone else. I am not unhappy single ... This is where I am at and there are many things that I love about it and will one day find it hard to let go of. It seems sad that in a couple of days I will get used to eating alone, reading alone, getting ready alone, planning alone ... I don't think we were meant to do so much alone.
I had one of those moments while I was stranded at the Denver airport. I was lying on the disgusting squished french fry adorned floor right beside the window in my gate's waiting area out of the way of any grumpy travels who may have thought that one should not lay down in public places. When I am in pain I will pretty much lay down anywhere to relieve some of the pressure. I was wrapped in my blue with white flowers beach sarong as my sweater was left with my camera at the Calgary airport. It started to poor and as a rested my head to the side all I could see was the rain racing down the window and a motionless airport, everything else around me disappeared. It was a moment of quite, a moment that my mind slowed down and cared only about how much I love rain, how happy it makes me.
I also thought about how there are times when I see myself from the outside. Like I was watching me live my life like it was a movie, completely removed from the experience, thinking more about how others must see me from out there than about whatever beauty may be in front of me. It goes back to living in the present ... Really seeing that which surrounds you and finding the beauty in it.
I finished the book The Monk Who Sold His Ferreira while I was in Denver. It is basically a book about how to find happiness and be the best that you can be. It was different than I thought it would be. I did not have the luxury of a large selection of english books and it looked interesting and would fit in my day bag : ). I agreed with a lot of what the author presented ... The power of our thoughts, our innate potential, taking risks, finding your passions, expanding your world, being open, taking care of your body, and running your own race. However, I kept waiting for him to talk about the most critical piece of happiness ... Relationship ... And he didn't. I could just not understand how someone could get life in so many regards and completely miss the crazy strong need we have to be with others. I guess he could argue that it fits into his philosophy ... That if relationships are your passion than you will invest in them and find fulfillment there. But what if they are not your passion? Do you not need them to be happy? Is there one soul in this world that doesn't need the love of others in their lives?