My canine sister Meghan ...

I have yet to understand why it is way harder for me to share about this area of my life than any other. I can take some good guesses but all I know for sure is that I feel more hesitation about writing this blog than I have been about any other entry.
My father. I have not had a relationship with my father for going on seven years. I was once the definition of a daddies girl. I could and would talk to my Dad about anything and everything. From the world according to my little heart and through my little blue eyes my Dad was the best Dad in the world. Then one day a new woman came into his life and he changed. The kind and speed of change that leaves you with no breath and a broken heart. The things that once seemed to mean the world to him, me and my siblings, appeared to carry no weight in his life. He started to do things that I could have never dreamed he would do. The details are irrelevant here and as the years pass become somewhat blurry. What matters most is that he broke my heart and has yet to try and repair the damage.
It is funny though how such deep pain can fade. How things that we think will continue to cause our hearts to feel beatup no longer have much power over our emotions. Where there was a day that I never thought I could see my father without breaking into uncontrollable tears, I now am almost indifferent to him.
Almost being key. I was at my Grandpa's on Sunday and the doorbell rang and it was my Dad and his dog. Thankfully his wife was not with him. My heart did not stop. I did not feel angry or sad ... I did not really feel anything while he was there. I did however feel a strange bond with his dog. I don't really get this either but it has something to do with the fact that she is a bigger part of his life than I. That she receives more love, attention and affection than me. That she knows him and I don't anymore. And because she knows him she knows me and understands ... Well everything. Her eyes seem to say I sympathize with you. Does that make any sense?
I have forgiven my father. I do not think about him often at all.
I did start crying on the drive over to Chris's after my visit with Grandpa. The pain of abandonment like that fades but I know that my heart will never forget it. I wish that it had the same level of memory my mind does!

I was hiking on Saturday ... It was a perfect fall hike with my high-school friend Andrea. Lunch never tastes better than on top of a mountain. Of course I can't get the picture to load ... grrr. It is the exception that pictures do work lately.