Flying away ...

I don't know if it is the same for everyone or if there is just something in the way my pieces were put together, but the moment that the plane hurled itself into the sky this morning I felt alive. I felt my shoulders relax and my heart take in a deep breath. Of course I then passed out tout suit ... still, what I love, grasped me, reminded me of its presence. Isn't that beautiful about our hearts. They hold our loves so tightly and are quite unshakable in what brings true joy to them. And we are all so unique in what can make us smile to ourselves in a crowded airport.I know that for the most part we have to have areas and times in our lives when things are stable and consistent. I can remember sitting on my couch right after Mike left asking myself over and over again why I could not have just picked someone average ... normal ... stable.All things which were not Mike and that I loved about Mike. I figured that if I had been able to see the beauty in normality that I would not be in the pain I then found myself drowning in. If I could have just found happiness with one of the nice, sweet, uncomplicated (or less complicated) guys that had offered me their affection. I am coming to accept though that, although there are some very plain and normal things that I depend on being plain and normal in my life, that part of who I am is my love for adventure.A love for that feeling of having no idea where you are as you fly down a highway. A love for the huge lake that pops out in front of you that you had no idea existed. I am sitting on a pink plastic, wooden-armed hospital chair, resting on industrial strength dark rainbow colored carpet, tucked in a landing of the Hamilton/McMaster Health Sciences Building. It is a very cold concrete building. There is some beautiful abstract art and lots of people to watch. I am plugged into the same outlet as the pop-machine and having already been booted off the McMaster Server, anxiously await being unplugged by some young rule-stuck security guard.I just completed my one-on-one interview for the Child Life Specialist Program and am awaiting the group interview in a little under an hour.There was no question that I was a little anxious about it all (evidenced by the fact that I cannot seem to get enough food in my mouth to satisfy the rumbling in my tumbly)but the past couple of years has left me feeling like there is really very little that can shake me. That is not to say that I think for a second that I have had my fill of pain in life and will therefore be blessed with smooth seas from this point forward.More that surviving what I have has left me with a confidence in my ability to face the good the bad and the ugly. With my people that is. I still freak out and need the soothing yumminess of a soft, warm fuzzy peach in my mouth ... but I rarely hear myself try to convince myself that I can not do something. Hamilton is an old city, with a lot of fabulous old homes and buildings. I have an affinity for old cities ... I can see myself here.
Little sweetnesses:
Oh security guy .. oh ... oh we are good. A little smile can divert many a sneaky activities.
The new child leashes! A little monkey back-pack where the tail is the leash ... adorable.
All the people that sit on their porches in Hamilton ... doing ... well appearing to be doing nothing. A picture that seemed so far from what you would see in Calgary.
Being able to laugh at driving for 10 minutes the wrong way on the 403.
All the memories of my trip to Niagara on the Lake with Norma a couple years ago ... chocolate covered nibs, fabulous wines, bike-rides along vineyards and canyons, reading Morie in spa-gardens, cooshy wooshy beds, sun-set sail-boat rides in Rochester.
I am so ready to adventure again, I feel grounded enough to fly ... hmmm.
Wish me luck with the other kids in the group-interview. Hoping I can appear like I play well with others!