Something new I have learned about children in studying grief and death is that kids have an incredible ability to hold two completely opposing beliefs or truths in their little opposing hands and believe whole heartedly in both. A child can share that they know that they or someone that they love is dying and in the same breath talk about when they or their loved one gets better.
I knew that I would learn so much from kids and families on my journey ... this is one lesson that I want and need to take into my heart.
I need to learn that being excited about my job and going back to Toronto does not mean that I love home and the people here any less. And loving my people does not mean that I can't fly back east next week with some excitement. There will be tears and and happiness.
Like a child I want to hold both things tightly in each of my palms without feeling that I have to chose one.
It has become clear to me that one of the reasons that I can do this is because my family and friends here really do love me purely. They know my heart and they are willing to let me fly without taking away my place on their perch.
I just wish that this lesson would make it to my heart a little faster because my anxious chest has returned to squeezing my heart and there are few feelings worse than that.
2 comments:
Alright BQ, here we go. NO ONE knows better the magic of love than you. So...open your palms, place your opposing desires in each, then close your fingers over your hopes, do a little fancy movement or two, then open and blow. Your conflicting loves will intermingle in a beautiful colourful swirl before your eyes, leaving you fulfilled and gasping for breath at the wonder of it all. End of anxious chest squeezing heart. :P
I miss you already, and you haven't even left yet! gah
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