I close my eyes and there is little me ... about 3 inches tall ... running away and running back ... away and back at a pretty good speed. I am really there. I can really see this ... I am not in my mind ... I am running out there on to my bed-side table ... to the wall and back to my face. It is concrete enough that I can do nothing but watch me. And I feel like my lips are the size of my head ... no my lips are my entire head. Soooo bizarre. I have never experimented with recreational drugs ... I am guessing it is somewhat like this.
I am also finding myself completely lost in the middle of a task, or thought, or behavior. At moments I see myself acting very similar to an autistic man that I supported for years. I will just stand there with no clue what I was doing or thinking, completely in my own existence ... oblivious to the world beyond my head.
Then I will switch to think of something that I think is brilliant and life-altering, get all excited and worked up and almost hyperventilating at the possible ramifications of these revelations in my life. Then forget.
It is like I am getting glimpses into the gamut of different mental-illnesses that challenge so many people's lives. Thank goodness I studied psychology and have enough understanding of how the brain works to not be freaking out and know that I am not loosing it ... just temporarily stopping by for an educational visit ... maybe this is going to make me a better psychologist ... another silver-line ... point Heather.
Well I guess I am going to go watch myself get the exercise I have been missing!?!?!
I wonder if this post will make sense tomorow?
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- H
- I am doing my best to find the good things in my life and cherish them. I love deeply. I laugh hard (so hard I sometimes snort). I still dream and believe that dreams are meant to be followed. I try to depend on God. I have so much to learn. I hope.
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