Where is the off switch ....

I would like to find the off switch in my head ... really, really, really bad ...

I saw the doctor for the last time today. Worse case scenario ... 4-6 weeks before my energy is back ... I was in shock ... I am still in shock.
You have got to be kidding ... right ... this is the funny part of all this ... this is when you say HA HA HA just jokes ... Oh dear Heather ... this is all just a dream ... tomorrow when you wake up it will be life as it was. A busy day working, triathlon training, dinner, yoga class, hanging out with Kirst and the kids, and going to bed tired and without a thought in the world but sleep. Normal. I am longing for normal. There are medical details ... but they really don't matter do they? I have no choice. This is what it is. I will make the best of it ... I will not stop finding joy where I can ... I will not stop being happy ... this too will pass ... pass to where? ... I don't get to know yet ... Thank you God that I don't have to know.


---

I learned ... through the deepest pain in my life ... to find happiness by living in the present. All my mind wants to do right now is think about the future ... it is worrying about everything and anything ... meaningless matter that I don't want to care about but can't stop thinking about. I want OFF these drugs so desperately ... I want my peace-of-mind back.

---

This is from a Lexus commercial ... but does it really matter? It really moved me the first time I saw it and I had thought about it many times after ... today I am thankful that I had the time to search for it and find it. Life really is just a moment ...

A moment, if you please.
Moments can be short.
Moments can be long.
There are moments of joy.
Moments of sorrow.
Moments of passion.
Moments you'll never forget.
Moments you've already forgotten.
Moments you didn't get.
There are awkward moments.
Senior moments.
Moments of truth, and momentary lapses in judgment.
People will ask for a moment, share a moment.
"I need a moment, you got a moment, hey wait a moment"
You can take a moment.
Make a moment.
Spoil a moment.
And if all the stars line up at just the right moment, that moment can be perfect.
Moments can define you, moments can delight you and moments can change your life.
Here's to the moment, and squeezing all you can out of every last single one of them.
Pursue the moment.

(You can view the commercial here: http://www.boardsmag.com/screeningroom/commercials/2010
... the music, naration, and images are wonderful!!!!)