Divine energy infusion ...

Just enough energy ... I don't know how ...
Blows my mind that somehow I was able to get ready and make it to Krista's sisters wedding (and did not even collapse!!) ... even after taking my second steroid dose. Krista was the maid-of-honor and I was not missing seeing her sparkle and melting in her sister's day. Sparkle she did ... she looked amazing.
I crashed hard when I got home ... but I got home ... passed out.
A wedding ... and the party and the parents ... Truly stunning. The Bride ... took my breath away.
A wedding ... how does one not think of their own? I loved my wedding ... it was the most fun and happiest day of my life ... It would have been our fourth anniversary on the 8th. I cried this morning. I still miss him sometimes. I miss sharing my life. I miss loving one person more than anything else in the world.
I am feeling so old the past couple of days. I am sure that it has to do with the old birthday sneaking up on me in a couple weeks. Years seem to be passing like days. I used to love to celebrate my birthday ... now I find myself so tempted to just let it pass ... to just pretend it is not coming. But, that goes against the whole way I say that I want to live my life ... to honor each breath that I am given ... to celebrate every chance that comes along. At this point though I am having a hard time in my mind seeing how I am going to make it through the rest of this treatment. One day at a time ... I will worry about that day on that day.

On top of all of that I was forced to remember how very much I miss one of my oldest and dearest friends Lindz who lives all the way in Austin Texas. Her sister Ashley was a bridesmaid. I spent so much time in their house growing up. Just seeing Ashley made my heart sad ... then she sang ... and it sent shivers through my soul ... she can sing like that. And when I saw her all I could do was hold her hand ... and I just wanted Lindz to be there.
Divine timing though ... Lindz sent up a birthday gift ... which is the most luxurious cream that was ever created. I fell in love with it when I was visiting Lindz in Austin last year. It smells like angel-food cake and comes in this eloquent glass container ... and I had just run out ... and I had just noticed today the effect that the radiation is having on my skin ... and what better than to baby it than with Tutti-Dolci Creme Brulee Moisturizing Souffle imported from ITALY!! AND the most beautiful scraf from Lindz's travels to China ... can we say spoiled ... uhhh yeah I think that we can!
My heart is beating so strongly right now that it is making the couch shake ... hmmm ... calm down there little red.
Weird how I can be so full of yuck and look so normal ...
Hey guys have I mentioned that I want to be done all of this? I think that they should make it fifteen treatments ... it was all so good up till then ... 25 is just too long ... yes, too long.
Ughhhh ... I have pictures ... but blogger says it does not want to let me put up pictures today ... how rude blogger ... how rude!