Well we are officially playing a new game here. My body has raised the white flag and is slowly surrendering to pure and utter fatigue and exhaustion. From what the radiation team tells me ... it was amazing that I maintained as well as I did for so long (is it weird that that makes me proud?) ... and they had been waiting for me to crash.
It is really a bizarre thing though because at this point I am okay in the mornings ... but as soon as I take my noon dose of steroids I crash ... which I don't get ... because at night I couldn't sleep without those magic blue pills if the life of every person I love depended on it.
My dear, dear friend Sharon from Lethbridge was with me today. She showed up with a pizza box full of the most magical home-made cookies from a specialty shop in Lethbridge and just seeing her made my heart slow-down. Today radiation gave me an entire morning to catch up, love, and be loved ... I will take that silver-lining. She was the second person to come in and see the procedure ... her face was very sad after ... that was hard for me ... I forget sometimes to think of how those that love me are experiencing this ... sometimes it is too much for my little heart to handle.
My mind is still manic and I can't even focus through an entire movie. I am bored beyond bored here ... can't drive and can't walk.
stubborn as always, I decided tonight that where there is a will there is a way ... and I could make it to Sobey's and home ... the longer it took the better really ... less time to try and pass. Half way there I started to question my brilliance ... but at a snail's pace I made it ... got a couple things ... including fudgecicles (??? I never said all the smarties I eat make me smart!) ... and then ... just like that ... nothing. As I stood in the middle of Sobey's envying the energy that all the people bustling around me were exuding ... my shoulders dropped and I came to a very real revelation that I was not going to be able to get home on my own. I was going to have to call someone to come and get me. This entire process has been so humbling. Con-con to the rescue ... no questions ... just giggles and understanding and the warmest welcome into the prettiest red-chariot ... thank you never seems like enough.
At least I can still type with shaky hands!
Okay now only three more hours to kill before dose four and bed ... I want to paint but the shaking ... maybe it will just have to be a shaky painting ... maybe the shakiness will make it brilliant ... hard to paint lying down though ... hmmmm...
ONE MORE RANT ... because I missed yesterday ... they have to add another treatment ... bumping my last one to Monday the 12th ... which means a WHOLE OTHER FREAKING WEEKEND OF STEROIDS AND PURE BOREDOM (and a weekend that Kirst is away grrrrr) STUPID ... NOT HAPPY ABOUT THAT AT ALL!!!!! NOT AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hmmm ... would you look at that ... my hands are cracking ... this is going to be fun! : (
What would I do if I did not have a blog?
- H
- I am doing my best to find the good things in my life and cherish them. I love deeply. I laugh hard (so hard I sometimes snort). I still dream and believe that dreams are meant to be followed. I try to depend on God. I have so much to learn. I hope.
1 comment:
Oh, you're never OUT--this is one more massive crappy hurdle that makes me sad and mad and so on, so god only knows how it can be for you--but you are not OUT sister! You are never out.
Let me know when you want a sleep over for a change of scenery! I am looking forward to seeing your new line of Shake Art! I will buy one for my wall. I love you and I wish I could take it all away. Now, when do we start discussing this triathalon of mine?
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