But I am to tired to lie ... but I am tired now of not being good ... I want to be good.
How on earth can one day feel like it has been a week ... and a year feel like it has been a week?
This feels like it will never, ever, ever, be over.
What am I going to do if I can't make it up my stairs?
I feel like a Yoyo ... my thoughts are in a million places ... I want this .. I don't want it ... I need this ... I don't need that ... I just want my life before radiation back ...
But that life does not exist anymore ... what will my life after radiation look like?
Of course I can't know that.
One day at a time girl ... no that is too much ... distract, distract, distract ... deal with it as it comes.
I miss my sister ... this is the first time she has not been around to help care for me ... there is no one that I can be more real and vulnerable with than my sister.
Why is today not over yet?
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