Change, changing, changed ...

We fear change so much ... Yet it brings such freedom ... Adjustment of course ...
but true freedom and it is exciting.

We need a degree of things to stay constant in our lives to make us fell stable and secure. To make our hearts know that there are absolutes and that there is order.

It has been humorous to me ... I have talked about how tight my budget has been for the past four years and I am selling my rental property and for the first time in a long time I am going to have some money. And so I have been buying all the things that I have wanted forever. Today I went to Pier One and walked out with 6 bags ... It was fun I got fake flowers. I made a vow the other day I would never have fake flowers. I did good eh! ... But the humorous part is that my friends seem really weary that I am going over board. I on the other hand must say that I am quite enjoying it!

I get my car tomorrow ... It is funny how you get attached to a car ... I guess not really when you think about the time that you spend in it ... I kind of liked driving an older car ... Mike's presence in my life is slowly disappearing ... There are less and less of our stuff. He sent me a link to the Winnipeg folk festival where a band that we both loved is playing. I know that he wants to meet there. It has only been a year and a half and I just thought to myself that is so dramatic and when I see him face-to-face for the first time it is going to be on my turff baby!

I have also been thinking about his family and our mutual friends a lot lately. I completely cut them out of my life. To cope. And think that it is time to start seeing them. Mike's parents hurt me so deeply. They did not contact me once until 6 months later when his Mom emailed me and told me that they were hurt that I had not contacted them. I can not understand that. I dove into that family one hundred percent and they did not contact me for 6 freaking months. I will tell them that ... And Bonnie will say we were hurt too.

My room is coming together nicely. I got a chandelier and it is just so beautiful it sparkles and twinkles and makes my heart happy.

So I am dating again. A young Mexican framer named Wilbert ... Yes Wilbert ... He is adorable and gentle and sweet and shy. I don't know if he is funny ... Come to think of it I have not seen him laugh ... Just smile his cute smile. We are going to the Calgary Tower for dinner next week and I am wearing my fabulous new black silk dress and I want to get those sandal's that go vertically down your foot with the big gems. I am also going to ......... Day Da da ta da ........ Mexico with him for two weeks. He is 3 hours from Cancun and we are going to hit Mexico city too. I am so looking forward to spending a lot of time on the beach. My soul, mind and body, need this break. I had tried not to think about it but what the hell a divorce and radiation in a year. I deserve a freaking beach.

I got patio lights that are so wonderful. They are blue and green and have little daisies cut out of them and velum so the light is nice and muted.

My fabulous gay neighbor and another neighbor and I walked to 7-11 for slurpees tonight and then around the complex and the neighborhood a little. It is nice to know my neighbors ... We didn't really before. I think that Trevor will always be in my life. I love loving him.

Please keep my dear Queenlatreesa in your hearts as she is just being put through the ringer. Life is just pouring crap on her and that is not cool at all. My heart cries for her. Do you think that it is true that if you never had relationship you would never hurt ... You would feel lonely but would you hurt ... There is a whole gamut of emotions that you would cut out ... Rejection, love, friendship (is not a feeling but you know where I am going)

Why am I putting of swimming ... I am scared to start ... It is going to be a long and painful rehabilitation. My pain was really bad today. A new pain. Two new pains. And head-aches. I am still having a problem with up ... Yup just up ... Up stairs, hills, up from down is the hardest and the most frustrating. Still pulling myself off the toilet.

I have a rumbly in my tumbly but it is 3 in the am!

I have the flu.

I fell.

There is nothing worse than falling. It is such an awful feeling. Hurt the pride and scraped the knee.

Oh I was dog sitting an 8 week old Terrier this weekend. It was so cute. I will have to post the pictures.

I drummed for Dragon Boat for the first time this week. I was really nervous. It is a lot of responsibility. It was funny I was worried about making Chris happy ... Cause he is so hard on me : ) Children's Wish grants wishes to children who have life threatening diseases and is a fabulous charity. If any of you are interested in sponsoring me PLEASE follow through. And remember what your dreams are ... And make a step towards making them come true.

It drives me bonkers how random the picture piece of blogger works. Too often!