Where my legs have taken me ...

What better place to reflect on the latest chapter of my life that has been written and the crisp blank pages that hold so much hope and promise. Pages I hope that I will take great care in writing. Pages that I pray will be written only day by day.

With the news of a rapidly growing tumor last November and an impending high risk surgery I vowed to make 2006 the Year of My Legs. I sat down in my little home with a cup of tea in the beautiful tea-cup my dear friend Brendon made me and started a list. On that list was a hodge-podge of physical activities like snow-shoeing and cross-country skiing, hang-gliding and ice-climbing, hiking and a triathlon. There were places that I wanted my legs to take me like Thailand to see Erin, Idaho to see Chris and Dave, Kamloops to see Jennie, and down the block to see Kirst and the kids.
As I reflect upon 2006 I am so very proud of my little legs, so very very proud. They twinkled above the crispy morning fall grass as my body was lifted by the glider I was steering. They pushed up mountains to glorious peaks, fields, and lakes. They remembered that they love, LOVE, to run ... and they ran, and ran, and ran. They propelled me miles and miles in the pool. They baffled our Yoga instructor in their ability to be flexible and rigid at the same time. They skated on dancing lights. They pushed through untouched snow balancing precariously on ancient snow-shoes. They pulsed and glided through snowy trails cross-country. They pumped and shone as tears rolled down my cheeks from the speed they gathered as they carved down Nakiska. They tumbled and swayed down the bunny-hill binded to a snow-board. They danced until my feet could dance no more, and then they danced a little more. They took me to Mexico, up and down endless beaches and under endless ocean waves, through under-water rivers, around ancient Mayan ruins, to pet prehistoric turtles, and be moved by brilliant sunset birds. They held so fiercely onto the drum of the dragon-boat and allowed me to scream and encourage my team-mates and friends to bring home the Charity Cup to the Children's Wish Foundation. And so many, many more endless motions and places.

They also found themselves so sad and void of any power. Atrophied and so weak they carried my body to fight for their future 25 times. Never once refusing to take another step when I could feel their pain. One night after my manic mind forced my weak body to exhaustion I found myself pulled to the floor unable to move or feel my legs. And as I lay on the floor crying for my legs, for fear of what my life without my legs would look like, I realized that my life would continue to be full ... if that is what I continued to chose. Legs without power or feeling would not stop me from loving or being loved. They would still come with me to brilliant lands and spend time with extraordinary souls. I realized that perhaps there would just come a day when they had fulfilled their destiny to take me places. But that would not mean that my days of experiencing each day to the fullest would be over. I would not claim for a second that I felt peace laying there ... or when enough strength came back for me to crawl into bed that I did not feel utter relief. But I was able to see that what I was really hanging on to so tightly and fighting for so fiercely was not just my legs but the feelings and the memories that the people and the places they took me to filled my heart with. And although it would be more work, those people and places would always be within my reach.

This past year was a struggle. There were moments when I longed for a life with less adversity. There was anger. There were feelings of loss and questions of identity. I am reminded of that every time I catch a glimpse of my spiky little head. But oh what great souls touched my heart, what great memories were made, and what great lessons were learned. As I so often shared during my manicness ... Divine, absolutely Divine.

"TRUTH IS FIERCE and unrelenting. We cannot change it, but we can change the way we live with it. Making mistakes, not being loved, and dying are inescapable experiences of being human; so is our fear of them. By facing those fears, we have a chance to step beyond them. When we are willing to do the best we can with what we know, to be honest with ourselves and others about who we are and what really matters to us, only then are the lives we live and the love we receive truly our own." Maria Housden, "Hannah's Gift: Lessons from a Life Fully Lived"

I enter 2007 walking, running, and dancing. I have been blessed with another year of legs that show the world how my heart moves. They are scarred and bruised, too scrawny for sexy tall black boots, but so adaptable, so strong and so brilliant. And for another year they will be how I get to loving wonderful you. Thank you for moving my spirit, touching my soul, and loving my heart. With friends like all of you I do look ahead at 2007 with such great hope for the joys, big and small, that it will hold. What a brilliant quilt of love you wrap around me.

I hope and pray that you are proud of the year you have written and that you face the empty pages of your great novel with honesty towards who you are and what really matters to you, making the life you live, and the love you receive truly your own.

Peace and Happy New Years!