Feeling my body this morning as I was doing the yogi seal ... legs crossed, spine tall and long, fists on my tummy, bowing forward ... tears began to pool and fall once again.
The things that I take for granted in my life are endless. There are times when I feel intense guilt that after what I have lived through that I still get wrapped up in matter-less matter.
Perhaps there is no way to explain it when you have not experienced it but I will try. When there was so many steroid juices being shot out from my heart(kind of like the Sylvan Lake water-slides where a blast of water catapults you down the slid) to run rampant I came to a point where I could not feel my body.
Well now, come to think of it many of you probably could identify with this feeling if you have ever been intoxicated. When, like my sweet birthday-martini-girl Krista was trying to convince me just how warm she was and how I surely needed her jacket more than she in minus 10 degrees, you don't really feel. As so many things at that time, the blessings and the struggles seemed so intertwined. And although the steroids caused me much grief, they allowed me to feel no pain for a couple of weeks. I don't know the science of it all, but I do know that it was both a sweet and painful reminder of what a life with out constant pain feels like.
But the day when I felt my body again, when my muscles screamed their disgust, and the pain shot down my legs ... was oddly brilliant. Of course so much so because it coincided with coming off of the steroids, but also because I missed hearing from my body. I missed the whispers and reminders that it was intricately connected to my mind and my spirit.
All this to say that I felt utterly overwhelmed by emotions of gratitude this morning to feel my body. It's soreness, the strength that it is finding, a juicy stretch that feels oh so orgasmic ... to once again feel like peace is there when I seek it, to know that it has forgiven my mind for shutting out it's voice.
Like Cindie Lee says "delicious."
The things that I take for granted in my life are endless. There are times when I feel intense guilt that after what I have lived through that I still get wrapped up in matter-less matter.
Perhaps there is no way to explain it when you have not experienced it but I will try. When there was so many steroid juices being shot out from my heart(kind of like the Sylvan Lake water-slides where a blast of water catapults you down the slid) to run rampant I came to a point where I could not feel my body.
Well now, come to think of it many of you probably could identify with this feeling if you have ever been intoxicated. When, like my sweet birthday-martini-girl Krista was trying to convince me just how warm she was and how I surely needed her jacket more than she in minus 10 degrees, you don't really feel. As so many things at that time, the blessings and the struggles seemed so intertwined. And although the steroids caused me much grief, they allowed me to feel no pain for a couple of weeks. I don't know the science of it all, but I do know that it was both a sweet and painful reminder of what a life with out constant pain feels like.
But the day when I felt my body again, when my muscles screamed their disgust, and the pain shot down my legs ... was oddly brilliant. Of course so much so because it coincided with coming off of the steroids, but also because I missed hearing from my body. I missed the whispers and reminders that it was intricately connected to my mind and my spirit.
All this to say that I felt utterly overwhelmed by emotions of gratitude this morning to feel my body. It's soreness, the strength that it is finding, a juicy stretch that feels oh so orgasmic ... to once again feel like peace is there when I seek it, to know that it has forgiven my mind for shutting out it's voice.
Like Cindie Lee says "delicious."
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