Beautiful pay off...

As I was standing inside an Asian dollar store on Spadina, better than any dollar store I have been in and not really a dollar store at all as nothing was a dollar, I had a moment of pride. I was looking at Jeff freak out about finding a blue velvet cowboy hat and finding his excitement contagious. In the last couple weeks I have beyond successfully, comfortably, and enjoyably hung out with the three guys that I was determined to continue dating when I returned to Toronto. In reality, I was utterly uninterested in dating anyone but Patrick but was for sure not ready to let go of these amazing men that had fallen of the dating-net into my life-net. You may think that I am on crack but I was not expecting all of these guys to be willing to add another friend to their world, especially willing to make the shift from a dating relationship to a friendship. I feel like someone is going to bust me here soon for trying to take too much of a good thing. It is almost like I somehow magically filtered through all the horrible guys you hear about all the time and tapped into a source of really dynamic and beautiful souls ... and now I don't want to have to let go of any of them to pursue a something. And for some freaking blessed reason they are allowing me to hold on to them. They are continuing to make me laugh till it hurts, challenge my way of thinking, open my mind to new cultures, introduce me to new foods and places, and sweetness of sweetnesses call me on my relational quirks and offer guidance. It has led to some incredibly weird and potentially damaging moments as I have perhaps stupidly decided that the only real way to make it more ok on Patrick's end is to truly treat them as friends and allow Patrick to meet those of the 8 that remain. It was this thinking that made me decide that I was ok with Rohit, the film school guy who is doing a doc on online dating, to have access to interview not only myself but Patrick as well. My interview was yesterday and aside from the fact that I realized that I am now a card carrying advocate of the good that can come from online dating, it totally helped me clarify a lot of thoughts about Patrick ... AND Rohit taught me to use the camera and I conducted my own little interview of him. Patrick joined us later on and it was one of those moments where two guys go into a zone so un-penetratable that even a play-bunny could not have swayed their focus. I actually got up and walked away at one point ... it was actually pretty funny.
Ohh dear ... for someone who did not know what to write, I have a million things to share now.
A side note on the Patrick situation. I am not ready to call it a relationship yet ... You would have kicked me, loved me, and hated me last night. I was in the grocery store picking up some yogurt on the way home with Patrick and he made the mistake of saying "maybe we should get this kind" to which I responded "WE are not getting yogurt here. I am getting yogurt. WE are not a WE yet and that is a good thing for me right now. I don't think I can handle WE yet. NO ... it is I that is choosing the yogurt, I that is buying the yogurt, and I that will be eating the yogurt" ... bless his heart can you believe that after he got over the shock of my unfiltered rant shared that he is so thankful that I could be so honest.

I am really enjoying the discovery piece of my life right now.
My sweetnesses:
Walking home from the laundromat on one of the hottest nights of my life I saw a lit screen in the garden of my new older Asian gardner friend. Turns out she was looking at the pictures of the flowers that she takes every morning before 10 when the light is just right. I often see her and visit on the way to work. Lovely Grace invited me to join her evaluating the exotic, yes I said exotic elements of the flowers. She then offered me a beer and grapefruit juice and it was sooooo good.
There have been freaking amazing, nerve splintering thunder storms lately.
Patrick
Running through old neighborhoods and harbor fronts of Toronto and not dying : )
Endless festivals.
My Child Life classmates who carry endless support and grace for me.
Feeling blessed and well loved here tonight. A good thing cause I at least have another couple months that I am not willing to pout through.