Take chances, make mistakes, get messy

Do you think that losing a blog post means that it was not supposed to be posted?

I was thinking as I walked through the pathways of the island i am staying on. When I started blogging I planned to share the things that seemed sharable and to journal the things that were only mine. I have been great at blogging and have failed to journal. Which means that I really have missed out on going that little bit deeper, to the place where you find the thoughts and feelings that should be on post-secret. Kirst gave me a brilliant journal for Christmas. I have carried it around with me but had not written in it until this weekend. I am really going to try to keep writing in there.
Initially I had written this blog sitting on a bench that is engraved take chances, make mistakes, get messy. It is a legacy bench and there are different ones all over the island. I realized as I was trying to plan my birthday that what I really needed was some time alone to reflect and dream. To not only celebrate entering my 30th year but to use it as a chance to live mindfully. So I packed my backpack with mostly books, journals , and my computer and boarded the ferry to the island. The island is magical, a diamond in the big city. It runs parallel to main land downtown TO ... it is so close yet you feel so far away. My time has been very rich and I really have been able to visit with myself ... and we have had some good and tough talks.
Some of the moments that have stuck out the most are these:
I ran the length of the island on the side that looks out to the lake, part of this on a wood boardwalk. I happened to finish just as I was passing a beach that I visited before with Patrick and really liked. I walked out on what remains of the old cement dock and lifted my arms up to the sky. There were all of these birds that would fly west, take a break and then fly back east. They were constant and I was right under their westward flight path so that I could follow them right above me if I let my head drop back. To add to the brilliance the sun was at about breakfast time in its day and so it glowed behind the flocks and paved their path along the water. I sat at the end and had a heart-to heart with God. I for sure do not feel confident in explaining or even really knowing what it is I believe at this point. But I did remember a thought that I had a long time ago. If I am wrong about the existence of God, yet I can say that the belief of God in my life is enriching, then what have I lost.
I watched the dragon boat races. Karen G and her mom came all the way from St Thomas to share that part of my day with me. The first race I saw tickled my insides with joy and excitement. It made me reflect on the amazing friends that are weaved into my life and make it strong and colourful .
I saw birds (cardinals and little yellow ones, and orange ones) and flowers that I have never seen before. My nose was serenaded by smells of nature and release.
I am staying in a room that is tiny enough to feel safe but walled with windows plenty enough to make me feel like there are no walls at all.
There are canals packed with boats and the houses are the most perfect/ imperfect symbols of the life that I dream of.
There are fountains and gardens, piers and bikes, beaches and board walks, noise and quite.
I would heartfully encourage a dream weekend for all of you. Just you and space and place to dream.
In an hour and fifteen minutes I will turn 30 and I am more than ok with that. I know you are far away but you have all been right by my side, in my thoughts, and in my heart this whole weekend. There is no way that I could reflect on my life without thinking of how you have helped me be here today as the H that I am. Love.