My heart clenched and the tears did role ...

It takes courage to push yourself to places that you have never been before. To test your limits. To break through barriers. And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
- Anaïs Nin, 1903 - 1977

When I was traveling in Europe I met one of the most beautiful people I have ever known. A man who fit so comfortably in my heart and quickly became a dear friend. One of those people that you feel see the real you, the whole you, and understand and accept you. He called tonight and as I saw his name under missed calls I began to sob uncontrollably. Like so many things about my heart lately I really do not understand why. It was a reaction that I never would have predicted.
We connect less than we used to as our lives moved in different paths but thoughts of him always bring warmth to my heart and a smile to my face. And although I miss seeing the world through his eyes more often, no where near enough to warrant tonight's breakdownn.
There was no doubt that he stole my little heart ...But he never disrespected it and was gentle and loving with it while I left it in his possession ...And when he and I knew it was time I take it back it came to me beautifully wrapped and more beautiful than when it had left me. The risk it took to keep my feelings tightly inside of me was more painful than the risk it took to just allow myself to freely love my special friend.
So why the tears. I wonder if it was not because I konw that he is one that I can not be fake with. I have never been able to be anything but transparent and real with him ... a quality that is so important to me. I wonder if simply by knowing that I was in his thoughts that it felt like our hearts had once again shared their joys and sorrows. And in that that he saw all the trauma that my little heart has endured this last while. And that for that moment I was no longer able to hold it all together ... and down the pieces of my heart did fall.
I hope that one day I will be blessed with such a great man to love and have a family with. I am so thankful to have known him. So thankful this sunday night to be reminded of what is truly important to me in a partner and why it will never be worth settling. How can you go back ...You can't. It is good to know tonight that I still have hope. It is good to know that I still believe that I deserve a man as great as my friend. It just feels like it may never happen some days ...But it has to...Right?