As I sat in the corner of Patrick's kitchen eating my corn-on-the-cob that I had just bought, at a grocery store I am not exactly sure how to pronounce, in an attempt to feel more at home, all I could think was how NOT Taber the corn clogging my teeth was. Patrick looked at me and said "It isn't Taber eh?" I said "No. I'm not in Alberta anymore."
And I am surely not in Alberta anymore.
My feelings are as over the map as I was last week as a love from Calgary supported me to Winnipeg and a love from Toronto helped me to my new city. It was like a divine passing. I recognize that I am so very lucky to already have the twigs here to build myself a good little nest. In fact I think that I even have some of my little nest already built. It has been hard though to leave the nest that has protected me through so many storms and is made up of such treasures, rare, precious and hard to find.
Here is the thing that feels different for me during this change from many other changes that I have walked through. I am not asking myself to make it not hard. It is hard, but it is worth the hard and I have learned that I don't have to be in the hard alone.
Something that my co-worker Ceilidh said to me is that in our job it is not a matter of being able to leave stuff at work because our job will intrinsically change us from the inside each day. And I feel that it does ... so far the changes have been ones that have given me more grace and freedom to be.
I know that I will be ok, and with this change I want to be ok.
This job is truly what I have been working towards for a very long time. I feel blessed each day that I am there to have the privilege to work with the kids and families that I do.
And Patrick ... well he is just ... he takes my breath away with his loveliness and his love. I am trying to focus on being in this love and not wondering what its lifetime will be.
I do miss home.
Please keep my Grandma in your thoughts. She is dying and I so badly want her to go with the dignity that I believe so strongly is everyone's right. On her bedside lamp I hung they heart necklace I bought in Montreal, on hanging right over my heart warmed by my skin is a necklace of hers.
3 comments:
I am so very sorry to hear about your grandma. My memories of her are as a strong, vibrant woman. My prayers are with you and her. Know that I am thinking of you and loving on you even though miles seperate us.
Oh how I miss you darling! I cannot believe that you are starting a new beginning so far away from me. Take care my darling. I am so proud of you and so blessed to share such a special friendship with you.
As for Grandma, she knows she is loved and she knows she will be missed - no amount of time and disease will change that. How blessed are we to have such a strong and brilliant woman to live up to!
I was so thrilled to talk to you today! I love you and I am so sad for you as you go through this time with Grandma. (and you too, Sarah!) Try to make time for your blog--I finally got back to mine and it was refreshing...now to keep it up!
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